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dogwood

by Vein Melter

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1.
dogwood 42:35
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about

I quit my job yesterday. the boss was being demeaning in his tone and i snapped, said. i'm sick of your attitude i quit. threw down my apron and left in the middle of service. what cook hasn't thought of doing that. i left and my heart was pounding. i got about a block away. not even. then i turned back and went back to work. i hate having these outburts. i hate that my brain really loves to stick and ruminate on these massive things and project them inward and outward. steaming all day at work, begrudging these pleasant people because i hate capitalisms. because i know the system is busted and im right inside of it. my job does kinda rule. but also i think the very notion of work we have in america is very toxic and horrid and i want to destroy it. to be liberated from this idea of survival and scarcity inherant in the every growing maw of the late service capitalisms economy. the disposability of being a worker in this industry is maddening, knowing that it was never made to be a sustainable path, to breed options or care. to waste peoples time and fleece them of their dignity. you know there is something horrible about being told what to do all day, about being maintained and managed. like your not alive or something. and all this is to say the way i feel is valid. but falling into old and terrible cycles doesn't help me. fixating on a narrative of victimhood doesn't help me build community or hold myself with more kindness. i meditated for the first time in a long time this morning. i read a sutra. i tried to find that balancing point of knowing myself and what is going on. when all was said and done my boss was extremely kind about the whole thing. i got a promotion even. the hardest or weirdest thing is that i said i quit. that i felt the snap in my body. im glad, even amidst the hell of capatalist exploitation, my place of work is at least the kind of place i can fuck up but keep going. that's pretty humane. and so here is an album... which i made more or less zoning out this morning but i just wanted to get these thoughts out, and the music seemed to fit my current state of angst. sounds like a bunch of nanobots eating a dumpster made out of space crystal and oscillators.

credits

released July 25, 2021

i made all this

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Film Dungeon Records New Hampshire

We are a label run by a trans woman from up north (NH). It's really all about having a place for our pals to put music. I would be lying if I didn't say our friends put out freaking dope stuff too. That is just the truth. It's is also about fostering connection. About creating love and friendship (CC4L). We love you all and thanks for being here. Keep it radical, keep it queer. Keep it cool y'all. ... more

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